Terrible at Triumph, but Fantastic at Failure

So this morning as we were brushing our daughters teeth, we noticed that it hurt her when we got to certain teeth. So being concerned that my daughter was in pain, we took her to the dentist.

Our dentist is wonderful, and really great with Sophie. She was very nice and politely told us that Sophie has 8 teeth that need to be fixed, 2 of which need crowns. As a mom, this made me feel TERRRIBLE! I brush her teeth like I’m supposed to but I have obviously been doing a less than adequate job.

Luckily our dentist is very sweet and told us that at Sophie’s age, she sees these types of tooth issues a lot, especially since Sophie likes to sneak snacks when I’m in another room. She will seriously stuff things into her clothing and then hide them in her room for later.

So at some point in the next few weeks, my poor little tot will have to be put to sleep to have dental work. She’s had it done once before when a spot on her front tooth chipped so we know what to expect, but it is scary to think about.

No Rest for the Mommy

I am stratum to come to terms with the fact that sleep and I are not really friends anymore. I usually get to bed at around 11, then Rodney gets home at midnight and I wake up to see how his day was. Then I’m back to sleep between 1 and 2 and up again at 4 to pee and back to sleep at 4:30. Then I’m up again at around 5:30 to feed and change Aria, and Sophie is awake between 6 and 7. Then there are those nights when our living conditions wake me up or keep me awake all night and wake up and scare the girls.

It’s hard to make it through and keep up with what I have to do and take care of my girls when all I feel like doing is curling up and going to sleep.

I always make it, but I’m but I’m not always the nicest mommy. I do the best that I can do, most days, but I don’t always feel like it’s enough. I always feel I’ve failed at something everyday. Either cleaning or laundry or caring for the kids or my husband. I try to focus on the positive, but I do t always succeed.

Daydreams and Dilemas

Well my darlings, a lot has happened since I last posted. Or shall I say, a whole lot of nothing. Where to begin…

Well, to start with, we are having to wait until we get our tax refund back to move into ANY house, and it will end up being a single wide. Which is ok. I just really would like to move sooner than later, because our living situation is getting beyond ridiculous. But it is what it is, and so on and so forth.

That sums up the most excitement of the last few weeks other than crazy times with the girls and disciplining issues. I’m currently trying to do some research on “attachment parenting” because from what I’ve read, it very closely aligns with my parenting style. I don’t do the “cry it out” thing. At night, sometimes my 2 year old will cry while she’s falling asleep, but I don’t leave her there crying. I’m in the room with her the whole time. Is it inconvenient? Sometimes. Is it irritating? Yes, it can be. But lets face it, if i was concerned with convenience, I would have never had children.  Is the cry it out method bad? I don’t know. Do I look down upon those who choose to go that direction? Certainly NOT! Every person has their own style and each baby is different.

I’ve been wearing our 3 month old in a moby wrap for the last several weeks, and I have to admit, I really wish I’d owned one when our oldest was baby. I love the way she feels all snuggled up to my chest all warm and cuddly. I love the way I can feel her breathing and hear each sound she makes. I love being able to look down at her beautiful face and see her looking up at me smiling. She definitely enjoys it too. She is never more content than when she’s close to my chest. I wear her around the house, at church, at the store. Pretty much every where we go. Before we even leave the house, I have the moby wrap tied on and ready to go. I never leave home without it. Hopefully when tax season rolls around I can purchase a soft shell carrier like a beco or ergo. I’d also like to get a kinderpack or something for the oldest so that when we go out to the mall or something as a family, my husband can wear the oldest while I wear the baby. I know he’d enjoy the extra support and she’d enjoy being carried by her daddy.

We’ve also gone sort of hard core into the cloth diapering world…only not really ha ha. The baby is fully cloth diapered and the oldest has cloth training pants which are AMAZING. We even use cloth wipes which is a lot more convenient and do able than you may think.

I met a wonderful woman at church who has been a true blessing to me in many ways. She has taught me so much about cloth diapers and baby wearing. and we seem to have similar parenting styles. Its truly a blessing to have someone to talk to about things that I enjoy, i realize most moms want to talk about things other than diapers and babies, but when you cloth diaper, it is TONS of fun to talk about. Especially when you have a friend who is as addicted as you – if not more – and can show you how and wear to find diapers at great prices. I haven’t been brave enough to purchase from any co ops as of yet, but I will at some point I think. Her friend ship is a real blessing and came at a time in my life when I really needed it. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Who knew that I would such a special friend in the bathroom lobby at church ha ha.

I can’t honestly say that I enjoy every minute of every day. There are some days that I don’t know how I will make it through. When my 2 year old is screaming at me while my 3 month old cries; When I’m behind on laundry and the kitchen is a mess; When I haven’t had a full nights rest in weeks – not because of my baby, she sleeps from 6pm-5am – but just because I am to distressed to sleep; When my husband and I spend the biggest part of the day screaming at each other because we just can’t seem to get along; When bed time rolls around and I find my self curled up on the couch alone like I do every night waiting on my husband to get home from his second shift job; When it feels like everything around me is crumbling and I can’t seem to get a break; When I feel like giving up…

 I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let my foot slip– he who watches over me will not slumber;  indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over me– the LORD is my shade at my right hand; the sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep me from all harm– he will watch over my life;  the LORD will watch over me coming and going both now and forevermore.

Psalm 122